She was what they call in mental hospitals a "frequent flyer."
She killed herself about 8 years ago.
She had been in psychiatric hospitals untold times and had been placed on a dizzying array of meds. She was taking meds for her meds. She couldn't think clearly anymore. She had lost faith that she ever would. Suicide had been here close companion for a long time before it finally took over.
On the night she attempted her family was sitting around watching a movie on TV. She had a son and daughter in early adolescence and her husband. After watching the movie for a few minutes she quiely excused herself to go into the bathroom. She took as big of a handful of pills as she could get into her mouth. She came out and watched the movie for a few more minutes and then told her family what she did.
This time it was too late. She had taken too much. It took four days for her organ systems to shut down. Finally they pulled the plug and she died
For her treatment had been a search for the magic med that was going to make it all better. No one seemed to think maybe she needed someone to talk to. She finally just got to the point where she couldn't stand being with herself, but there was nobody else for her to be with.
For her husband and kids her death took a lot longer than four days. They will forever wonder about how they lost her and if it had to happen.
All of us have had times when we couldnt stand to be around ourselves. But we know there is someone else to be with. Whose someone else are you? Be a lifeline to someone approaching a narrow cliff.
I also miss her. She was a close friend of both my wife and I. And I dont think she had to die.
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How tragic. How many more people have to feel this hopeless that their only way out is to die before people actually start to listen?
ReplyDeleteA lesson for family of a person with depresion.
ReplyDeleteMy family tolerated my major depression for 10 years...they interpteted my lack of expression and my reticence to be with them for activities i used to love as my no longer caring about being with them.. my no longer loving them. I, at first, interpteted my loss of enjoyment with them as coming from a change in their feelings about me.In reality, my depression was a kind of emotional and expressive paralysis that masked the love i felt for them and my need to be with them. I could sense the distance growing between us and grieved the loss.But i couldn't find a way to get across that gap.By the time i realized how depressed I was and sought professional help, my wife had decided to divorce me. i lost my home and family.Social workers with my doctor had a family education program, but it was to late to get my family's understanding.
The lesson: when psychologists describe this symptom as withdrawal[which connotes an act of rejecting, not wanting to be with others], that is a description of looking from outside the person'S change in behavior...AND NOT THE DYNAMICS WITHIN. It is not to be taken personally...to forgive the behavior, surpressing anger enough to draw the person out
to break the chains with the strength of love and gentle understanding. Over the years as I healed, my family can see the heart i have for them.I have been able to let my heart speak for me through my poetry.