On Greg (the death of a young man)

Greg was 17 when I first knew him. He was dead before he was 18.



I was working as a family therapist in a psychiatric hospital when I first knew him. I was the therapist for him and his family. He was a “cutter.” His arms were a mass of scars from self-mutiliation. He was seriously depressed. I now am sure that he would have been diagnosed as bipolar, but back then we hadn’t really discovered bipolar and all I knew for sure was that he was messed up.



He was in our program for 9 months. His family was a mess. The mom and dad were getting a divorce and Greg was the ammunition they shot at each other. We did all we could and really thought that he was stable and began to see some signs of hope. We decided to discharge him home. I made all the arrangements and we sent him home.



About 4 days after his discharge I got a call from my supervisor about 5:30 in the morning. The night before Greg had cut both of his wrists, took a bottle of pills and hung himself. He was dead. My first reaction was that I had killed him and for a while I think part of me really did die.



About 3 weeks after his death I got a call from his mother. She called to thank me. I couldn’t believe it. Greg had been a professional quality artist. When they went through his stuff they had found a picture that was an exact depiction of the way he died dated about 3 months before he came into our program. She told me, “He had made his decision, but at least you got him to stop and think. Because of that we had a year longer with him than we would have otherwise had.”



Her phone call still hangs with me today. Since then I have met a lot of other people who had made similar decisions. Many of them have also stopped to think. But most of them have also changed their minds.



I learned a lot from Greg. I never really talked with him about suicide. I didn’t really know I was supposed to. I think maybe I was afraid to find out. I would give anything if I had the chance to talk with him now. People who are thinking about killing themselves are terrified that they are right. Suicide is the only answer to their problems. Just by asking you can start them towards the path of realizing that it is not. People who think of suicide often don’t attempt. People who think of suicide and who believe they are alone and can’t talk about it with others frequently do attempt. If you are afraid for someone that you know open the subject up. Maybe they don’t think they can. Don’t find yourself wishing you had asked, but knowing it is too late.



Keep the door open. The ultimate lie is that suicide solves anything and the ultimate myth is that when someone decides they can’t change their mind. Suicide is the act of a person ultimately alone regardless of the crowds that surround him and share his life. Reach out and hold someone close.



I know many things now that I wish I had known then. As strange as it sounds I think people only kill themselves when it is the easiest option they have left. I know now about the importance of means. I would not give the keys to a drunk person. I do not understand why we do not see the importance of keeping guns and other implements of death away from suicidal people. In the end people do decide for themselves. Greg’s mother was right. People can and do choose death. But we can choose to make it a hard choice. In the end we will be glad we did.


from www.hopeworkscommunity.wordpress.com