This information comes from the World Health Organization. It is sobering to say the least.
In the year 2000, approximately one million people died from suicide: a "global" mortality rate of 16 per 100,000, or one death every 40 seconds.
In the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Suicide is now among the three leading causes of death among those aged 15-44 years (both sexes); these figures do not include suicide attempts up to 20 times more frequent than completed suicide.
Suicide worldwide is estimated to represent 1.8% of the total global burden of disease in 1998, and 2.4% in countries with market and former socialist economies in 2020.
Although traditionally suicide rates have been highest among the male elderly, rates among young people have been increasing to such an extent that they are now the group at highest risk in a third of countries, in both developed and developing countries.
Mental disorders (particularly depression and substance abuse) are associated with more than 90% of all cases of suicide; however, suicide results from many complex sociocultural factors and is more likely to occur particularly during periods of socioeconomic, family and individual crisis situations (e.g. loss of a loved one, employment, honour).
This doesnt have to happen, but it takes action by all of us. September is suicide awareness month. Find a way to be active in your community.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
ON life and death and other things
"There are only two ways to look at life. Either everything is a miracle or everything isn't." - Albert Einstein
A man was talking to God about the evil and suffering and bad things in life. "Don't you care.... Why don't you send help? " God replied softly, "I did send help.... I sent you...." - unknown
God gave us each other. Life is what we do with other people. Each of us is a miracle and the purpose of life is to take care of God's miracles. Never is that more clear than when life is threatened.
In the last 3 days Linda and I have dealt with the specter of death 3 times. On Saturday two friends had seperate suicidal crisis literally within minutes of each other. One we spent hours on the phone with. She is okay and there is some hope the whole episode be the beginning of step forward for her. The second was a younger person who did make a potentially lethal gesture. We spent the night at the ER with him. Right now things look better for him. I think maybe he scared himself out of desperation. I hope so.
Last night I got a call telling me that an old friend had died. He had cancer and decided that this was not the life he wanted. He ended it with a gun.
I have studied a lot about suicide, but over the last couple of years I have met a lot of people for whom it is far more than a field of study. It is something that hangs in the air of everyday life, always there, always a threat. Their question many days is "Can I make it?" and many days they are simply not sure.
It is a question that all of us ask at some time I think. We tell ourselves though that "we could never do that." No one wants to see themselves in someone elses desperate acts. But desperation leads us to different paths and chronic desperation leaves us different people. No one really thinks they are "that kind of person" until they find out, perhaps too late, they are.
Death is, mainly, I think a choice of people alone. They may come to their solitude in many ways, but they are left in their eyes with death as the only companion that can ease their pain. Hope is not often found in empty rooms. And the truly desperate so often find no one willing to share the place they live.
I am reminded of the many people I have known who have dealt with suicidal issues. I remember the lady I met who struggled with bipolar disorder who explained to me that she had made 12 attempts in the last two years. When I listened to her I knew her greatest desperation. She was terrified of herself. Each day, each minute she was afraid of where the bipolar would take her next. Next to her that night was another lady who had tried to jump off a bridge a year before that. They hugged each other and cried. If only for a night they knew that life need not always be what you did by yourself.
Where I live the suicide rate is about twice what it should be statistically. And I live in a good community. But I listen to people and realize that for so many people desperation has come to the space of their life. They are learning to live in a new place and maybe, just maybe, we have the ability to make it a little better. Some people will choose death. It is everybody's choice to make for themselves. Sometimes all you can hope is that people will stop and think.
The biggest tragedy is not to live in a room alone. The biggest tragedy is to be so used to it that you forget there is a door by which people enter. Remember God gave you to others. Taking care of his miracles seems like a pretty good way to live.
originally posted on http://hopeworkscommunity.wordpress.com
A man was talking to God about the evil and suffering and bad things in life. "Don't you care.... Why don't you send help? " God replied softly, "I did send help.... I sent you...." - unknown
God gave us each other. Life is what we do with other people. Each of us is a miracle and the purpose of life is to take care of God's miracles. Never is that more clear than when life is threatened.
In the last 3 days Linda and I have dealt with the specter of death 3 times. On Saturday two friends had seperate suicidal crisis literally within minutes of each other. One we spent hours on the phone with. She is okay and there is some hope the whole episode be the beginning of step forward for her. The second was a younger person who did make a potentially lethal gesture. We spent the night at the ER with him. Right now things look better for him. I think maybe he scared himself out of desperation. I hope so.
Last night I got a call telling me that an old friend had died. He had cancer and decided that this was not the life he wanted. He ended it with a gun.
I have studied a lot about suicide, but over the last couple of years I have met a lot of people for whom it is far more than a field of study. It is something that hangs in the air of everyday life, always there, always a threat. Their question many days is "Can I make it?" and many days they are simply not sure.
It is a question that all of us ask at some time I think. We tell ourselves though that "we could never do that." No one wants to see themselves in someone elses desperate acts. But desperation leads us to different paths and chronic desperation leaves us different people. No one really thinks they are "that kind of person" until they find out, perhaps too late, they are.
Death is, mainly, I think a choice of people alone. They may come to their solitude in many ways, but they are left in their eyes with death as the only companion that can ease their pain. Hope is not often found in empty rooms. And the truly desperate so often find no one willing to share the place they live.
I am reminded of the many people I have known who have dealt with suicidal issues. I remember the lady I met who struggled with bipolar disorder who explained to me that she had made 12 attempts in the last two years. When I listened to her I knew her greatest desperation. She was terrified of herself. Each day, each minute she was afraid of where the bipolar would take her next. Next to her that night was another lady who had tried to jump off a bridge a year before that. They hugged each other and cried. If only for a night they knew that life need not always be what you did by yourself.
Where I live the suicide rate is about twice what it should be statistically. And I live in a good community. But I listen to people and realize that for so many people desperation has come to the space of their life. They are learning to live in a new place and maybe, just maybe, we have the ability to make it a little better. Some people will choose death. It is everybody's choice to make for themselves. Sometimes all you can hope is that people will stop and think.
The biggest tragedy is not to live in a room alone. The biggest tragedy is to be so used to it that you forget there is a door by which people enter. Remember God gave you to others. Taking care of his miracles seems like a pretty good way to live.
originally posted on http://hopeworkscommunity.wordpress.com
As hard as it to see it is a solution
The beginning of understanding why people are suicidal is to understand how suicide offers a solution to them for some kind of problem. And when you can understand then you have a sense of what it will take to diffuse the situation.
It is important to realize the problem they are solving may not seem that big a problem to you or it may seem obvious that there are better ways to solve the problem than killing yourself, but the point is that is not their reality. And you must take their reality seriously.
Years ago I had a job in a school system in Georgia. I worked in a special school and one day I went out to check on a 14 year old boy who had not shown up for school that day. I knocked on the door of his trailer and as it slowly opened I looked inside and saw him sitting in his living room with a rifle up underneath his chin. He was getting ready to kill himself.
He had been suicidal before. I went in and talked him into giving up the gun. We started talking about what was going on. He told me that the night before he had got into an argument with his mother. Very hostile words were exchanged. He called her a "bitch" and she told him that he was a "mistake." Both of them went to bed furious. He woke up the next morning and went into her room to make up with her. She was gone.
He was furious. She would not accept his apology and he was beside himself. He picked up the gun and was going to kill himself to teach her a lesson. I stopped him a moment and asked him a couple of questions, "Where does your mother work (I already knew at a factory)? Does she ever get called in early(I knew she did)? Does she usually wake you up to tell you?" He answered slowly, "No she figures I am old enough to get myself up for school."
He stopped and looked at me. He knew where I was going. "Are you going to kill yourself because your mother had to go to work early? Don't you think you should check?"
It turned out she had went to work early. We talked about why he was mad and what he wanted to say to his mom and what he had to do to stay safe for the rest of the day. I notified all the people who needed to know what had happened. He ended up talking with his mother and it was okay.
The point though is he was getting ready to solve a problem that number 1 didnt exist and number 2 even if it had with a method that didnt solve anything. But when I talked to him and basically "dissolved" his solution his risk to hurt himself, while still real, decreased dramatically.
You are not a therapist and should never pretend to be one. However sometimes you may find yourself in a position where what you say to someone is important. Remember the message. Suicide doesnt really solve anything.
It is important to realize the problem they are solving may not seem that big a problem to you or it may seem obvious that there are better ways to solve the problem than killing yourself, but the point is that is not their reality. And you must take their reality seriously.
Years ago I had a job in a school system in Georgia. I worked in a special school and one day I went out to check on a 14 year old boy who had not shown up for school that day. I knocked on the door of his trailer and as it slowly opened I looked inside and saw him sitting in his living room with a rifle up underneath his chin. He was getting ready to kill himself.
He had been suicidal before. I went in and talked him into giving up the gun. We started talking about what was going on. He told me that the night before he had got into an argument with his mother. Very hostile words were exchanged. He called her a "bitch" and she told him that he was a "mistake." Both of them went to bed furious. He woke up the next morning and went into her room to make up with her. She was gone.
He was furious. She would not accept his apology and he was beside himself. He picked up the gun and was going to kill himself to teach her a lesson. I stopped him a moment and asked him a couple of questions, "Where does your mother work (I already knew at a factory)? Does she ever get called in early(I knew she did)? Does she usually wake you up to tell you?" He answered slowly, "No she figures I am old enough to get myself up for school."
He stopped and looked at me. He knew where I was going. "Are you going to kill yourself because your mother had to go to work early? Don't you think you should check?"
It turned out she had went to work early. We talked about why he was mad and what he wanted to say to his mom and what he had to do to stay safe for the rest of the day. I notified all the people who needed to know what had happened. He ended up talking with his mother and it was okay.
The point though is he was getting ready to solve a problem that number 1 didnt exist and number 2 even if it had with a method that didnt solve anything. But when I talked to him and basically "dissolved" his solution his risk to hurt himself, while still real, decreased dramatically.
You are not a therapist and should never pretend to be one. However sometimes you may find yourself in a position where what you say to someone is important. Remember the message. Suicide doesnt really solve anything.
Monday, August 3, 2009
How dangerous are they: A short assessment
How do you know if someone is a real threat to kill themselves. There are a number of lists of warning signs and as a first step take a look at them. If you think there is cause to worry try to involve a professional.
What I want to share with you is a short hand way to look at how much a threat someone really is. It does not substitute in any way for professional assessment, but may give you a starting place. It is based on the work of a man named Gavin deBecker who wrote a book many years ago about threat and fear. Although he doesnt apply it to suicide I have used it many times with people I thought were at risks and I am convinced it helps you to think through the situation more clearly.
1. Justificaton. What kind of justification does the person think he has for his actions? How strongly does he feel? Is he ambivalent in any way?
2. Alternatives. Does he see any options? Is this the only way he sees to "solve" the problem?
3. Consequences. What does he see as the consequences of his actions. Does he truly see it as "deliverence?'
4. Ability. Does he have the ability to do what he says. Are the "tools" he needs at his disposal? Does he have means and the ability to use them?
If the answer to all these questions is in the affirmative then indeed you have a high risk situation and need to act to save a life. Do what you can, but dont try to do it all alone. Get professional help.
What I want to share with you is a short hand way to look at how much a threat someone really is. It does not substitute in any way for professional assessment, but may give you a starting place. It is based on the work of a man named Gavin deBecker who wrote a book many years ago about threat and fear. Although he doesnt apply it to suicide I have used it many times with people I thought were at risks and I am convinced it helps you to think through the situation more clearly.
1. Justificaton. What kind of justification does the person think he has for his actions? How strongly does he feel? Is he ambivalent in any way?
2. Alternatives. Does he see any options? Is this the only way he sees to "solve" the problem?
3. Consequences. What does he see as the consequences of his actions. Does he truly see it as "deliverence?'
4. Ability. Does he have the ability to do what he says. Are the "tools" he needs at his disposal? Does he have means and the ability to use them?
If the answer to all these questions is in the affirmative then indeed you have a high risk situation and need to act to save a life. Do what you can, but dont try to do it all alone. Get professional help.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
People not pills
She was what they call in mental hospitals a "frequent flyer."
She killed herself about 8 years ago.
She had been in psychiatric hospitals untold times and had been placed on a dizzying array of meds. She was taking meds for her meds. She couldn't think clearly anymore. She had lost faith that she ever would. Suicide had been here close companion for a long time before it finally took over.
On the night she attempted her family was sitting around watching a movie on TV. She had a son and daughter in early adolescence and her husband. After watching the movie for a few minutes she quiely excused herself to go into the bathroom. She took as big of a handful of pills as she could get into her mouth. She came out and watched the movie for a few more minutes and then told her family what she did.
This time it was too late. She had taken too much. It took four days for her organ systems to shut down. Finally they pulled the plug and she died
For her treatment had been a search for the magic med that was going to make it all better. No one seemed to think maybe she needed someone to talk to. She finally just got to the point where she couldn't stand being with herself, but there was nobody else for her to be with.
For her husband and kids her death took a lot longer than four days. They will forever wonder about how they lost her and if it had to happen.
All of us have had times when we couldnt stand to be around ourselves. But we know there is someone else to be with. Whose someone else are you? Be a lifeline to someone approaching a narrow cliff.
I also miss her. She was a close friend of both my wife and I. And I dont think she had to die.
She killed herself about 8 years ago.
She had been in psychiatric hospitals untold times and had been placed on a dizzying array of meds. She was taking meds for her meds. She couldn't think clearly anymore. She had lost faith that she ever would. Suicide had been here close companion for a long time before it finally took over.
On the night she attempted her family was sitting around watching a movie on TV. She had a son and daughter in early adolescence and her husband. After watching the movie for a few minutes she quiely excused herself to go into the bathroom. She took as big of a handful of pills as she could get into her mouth. She came out and watched the movie for a few more minutes and then told her family what she did.
This time it was too late. She had taken too much. It took four days for her organ systems to shut down. Finally they pulled the plug and she died
For her treatment had been a search for the magic med that was going to make it all better. No one seemed to think maybe she needed someone to talk to. She finally just got to the point where she couldn't stand being with herself, but there was nobody else for her to be with.
For her husband and kids her death took a lot longer than four days. They will forever wonder about how they lost her and if it had to happen.
All of us have had times when we couldnt stand to be around ourselves. But we know there is someone else to be with. Whose someone else are you? Be a lifeline to someone approaching a narrow cliff.
I also miss her. She was a close friend of both my wife and I. And I dont think she had to die.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
On Greg (the death of a young man)
Greg was 17 when I first knew him. He was dead before he was 18.
I was working as a family therapist in a psychiatric hospital when I first knew him. I was the therapist for him and his family. He was a “cutter.” His arms were a mass of scars from self-mutiliation. He was seriously depressed. I now am sure that he would have been diagnosed as bipolar, but back then we hadn’t really discovered bipolar and all I knew for sure was that he was messed up.
He was in our program for 9 months. His family was a mess. The mom and dad were getting a divorce and Greg was the ammunition they shot at each other. We did all we could and really thought that he was stable and began to see some signs of hope. We decided to discharge him home. I made all the arrangements and we sent him home.
About 4 days after his discharge I got a call from my supervisor about 5:30 in the morning. The night before Greg had cut both of his wrists, took a bottle of pills and hung himself. He was dead. My first reaction was that I had killed him and for a while I think part of me really did die.
About 3 weeks after his death I got a call from his mother. She called to thank me. I couldn’t believe it. Greg had been a professional quality artist. When they went through his stuff they had found a picture that was an exact depiction of the way he died dated about 3 months before he came into our program. She told me, “He had made his decision, but at least you got him to stop and think. Because of that we had a year longer with him than we would have otherwise had.”
Her phone call still hangs with me today. Since then I have met a lot of other people who had made similar decisions. Many of them have also stopped to think. But most of them have also changed their minds.
I learned a lot from Greg. I never really talked with him about suicide. I didn’t really know I was supposed to. I think maybe I was afraid to find out. I would give anything if I had the chance to talk with him now. People who are thinking about killing themselves are terrified that they are right. Suicide is the only answer to their problems. Just by asking you can start them towards the path of realizing that it is not. People who think of suicide often don’t attempt. People who think of suicide and who believe they are alone and can’t talk about it with others frequently do attempt. If you are afraid for someone that you know open the subject up. Maybe they don’t think they can. Don’t find yourself wishing you had asked, but knowing it is too late.
Keep the door open. The ultimate lie is that suicide solves anything and the ultimate myth is that when someone decides they can’t change their mind. Suicide is the act of a person ultimately alone regardless of the crowds that surround him and share his life. Reach out and hold someone close.
I know many things now that I wish I had known then. As strange as it sounds I think people only kill themselves when it is the easiest option they have left. I know now about the importance of means. I would not give the keys to a drunk person. I do not understand why we do not see the importance of keeping guns and other implements of death away from suicidal people. In the end people do decide for themselves. Greg’s mother was right. People can and do choose death. But we can choose to make it a hard choice. In the end we will be glad we did.
from www.hopeworkscommunity.wordpress.com
I was working as a family therapist in a psychiatric hospital when I first knew him. I was the therapist for him and his family. He was a “cutter.” His arms were a mass of scars from self-mutiliation. He was seriously depressed. I now am sure that he would have been diagnosed as bipolar, but back then we hadn’t really discovered bipolar and all I knew for sure was that he was messed up.
He was in our program for 9 months. His family was a mess. The mom and dad were getting a divorce and Greg was the ammunition they shot at each other. We did all we could and really thought that he was stable and began to see some signs of hope. We decided to discharge him home. I made all the arrangements and we sent him home.
About 4 days after his discharge I got a call from my supervisor about 5:30 in the morning. The night before Greg had cut both of his wrists, took a bottle of pills and hung himself. He was dead. My first reaction was that I had killed him and for a while I think part of me really did die.
About 3 weeks after his death I got a call from his mother. She called to thank me. I couldn’t believe it. Greg had been a professional quality artist. When they went through his stuff they had found a picture that was an exact depiction of the way he died dated about 3 months before he came into our program. She told me, “He had made his decision, but at least you got him to stop and think. Because of that we had a year longer with him than we would have otherwise had.”
Her phone call still hangs with me today. Since then I have met a lot of other people who had made similar decisions. Many of them have also stopped to think. But most of them have also changed their minds.
I learned a lot from Greg. I never really talked with him about suicide. I didn’t really know I was supposed to. I think maybe I was afraid to find out. I would give anything if I had the chance to talk with him now. People who are thinking about killing themselves are terrified that they are right. Suicide is the only answer to their problems. Just by asking you can start them towards the path of realizing that it is not. People who think of suicide often don’t attempt. People who think of suicide and who believe they are alone and can’t talk about it with others frequently do attempt. If you are afraid for someone that you know open the subject up. Maybe they don’t think they can. Don’t find yourself wishing you had asked, but knowing it is too late.
Keep the door open. The ultimate lie is that suicide solves anything and the ultimate myth is that when someone decides they can’t change their mind. Suicide is the act of a person ultimately alone regardless of the crowds that surround him and share his life. Reach out and hold someone close.
I know many things now that I wish I had known then. As strange as it sounds I think people only kill themselves when it is the easiest option they have left. I know now about the importance of means. I would not give the keys to a drunk person. I do not understand why we do not see the importance of keeping guns and other implements of death away from suicidal people. In the end people do decide for themselves. Greg’s mother was right. People can and do choose death. But we can choose to make it a hard choice. In the end we will be glad we did.
from www.hopeworkscommunity.wordpress.com
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