He said he had a gun

He told me he had a gun and was prepared to use it on himself. I knew he had tried before. He had a huge scar on the side of his face. He hadn't died, but had left himself with seizures and a whole host of problems.

He was part of an online support group that I did and although we had never "met" we knew each other. He had been badly abused as a child- the kind of abuse you see in movies. He had been in and out of hosptals, in and out of jails his entire life. He had lost a family and never really had any friends. He was lonely and lonely. He talked to his dog and talked online. He never really thought anybody would want to be his friend- never really understand why anyone would go to the bother for him.

About 12 years ago he went into a psychiatric hospital. They ended up discharging him and telling him that he was "hopeless." That was the afternoon he tried to blow his brains out.

That afternoon I didn't really know what to do. He was about 1500 miles away. I didnt even know for sure what town he was in. I couldn't think of any way to call the police, so I just listened and talked.

We talked for 3 1/2 hours that day. We talked about pain and loneliness and feeling like you were disposable and would never be missed if you were gone. I told him that he had courage and he at first thought I was just saying it. I explained. "Every day you have to fight yourself. Every day you have to decide not today. Every day you have to wait for a better life you really don't believe is coming. Every day is an act of courage for you."

I thanked him for being my friend and told him that I wanted him to live. He seemed astounded that anybody really cared. By then he had put the gun in another room and we talked about him going into treatment. He didnt want to do that but we talked about the difference betweeen good places and bad and I told him that right now he could choose. If things got worse he would be involuntary and probably not end up in a great place.

I left him my phone number and told him to call whenever. About 3 or 4 weeks later he did call. He had just gotten out of treatment, had different meds and didnt even sound like the same person.

He thanked me. He told me I had saved his life. I told him that I was honored to be his friend and that he was a gift in my life.

All over the world are people who see themselves as disposable people. They see hope as an empty promise and people as lies put there to torture them about the life they wish they had. Someone once asked me, "Whose 3 oclock in the morning call are you? Who knows you will be there when they need somewhere to go?"

More than anything people need people and they need to know that they have value to another living person. Without that suicide for them is just the second part of death. Depression, bipolar, and all the other "mental illnesses" have astronomical rates of suicide. 1 in 5 people with bipolar die from suicide. One study I saw said that if you are both bipolar and schizophrenic 1 in 3 die from suicide. And one of the most hurtful things these conditions do is that they isolate you from other human beings. They leave you alone regardless of the size of the crowd.

There are many pieces of knowledge you need to help people in need. Nothing you hear here will substitute for professional help or make you a professional. But do not underestimate the power of caring. Whose place of refuge are you and just as importantly where is your refuge?

Thank you and God bless.