16 Minutes

The attached article speaks to an alarming and horrifying truth. Last year about 640 people were killed in Afghanistan and Iraq. 18 veterans commit suicide a month. There are 950 attempts. It would seem that it is more dangerous to have been in the army than to be in the war.

Many of these folks are people who where either in Iraq or Afghanistan. If this doesnt alarm you, doesnt scare you, doesnt at least make you question 1) our ability or willingness to reach out to those in the most desperation---desperation borne out of trying to serve this country and 2)the real costs of these wars then I dont know what will move you.

from http://armytimes.com

18 veterans commit suicide each day

By Rick Maze - Staff writer
Posted : Monday Apr 26, 2010 8:00:40 EDT

Troubling new data show there are an average of 950 suicide attempts each month by veterans who are receiving some type of treatment from the Veterans Affairs Department.

Seven percent of the attempts are successful, and 11 percent of those who don’t succeed on the first attempt try again within nine months.

The numbers, which come at a time when VA is strengthening its suicide prevention programs, show about 18 veteran suicides a day, about five by veterans who are receiving VA care.

Access to care appears to be a key factor, officials said, noting that once a veteran is inside the VA care program, screening programs are in place to identify those with problems, and special efforts are made to track those considered at high risk, such as monitoring whether they are keeping appointments.

A key part of the new data shows the suicide rate is lower for veterans aged 18 to 29 who are using VA health care services than those who are not. That leads VA officials to believe that about 250 lives have been saved each year as a result of VA treatment.

VA’s suicide hotline has been receiving about 10,000 calls a month from current and former service members. The number is 1-800-273-8255. Service members and veterans should push 1 for veterans’ services.

Dr. Janet Kemp, VA’s national suicide prevention coordinator, credits the hotline with rescuing 7,000 veterans who were in the act of suicide — in addition to referrals, counseling and other help.

Suicide attempts by Iraq and Afghanistan veterans remains a key area of concern. In fiscal 2009, which ended Sept. 30, there were 1,621 suicide attempts by men and 247 by women who served in Iraq or Afghanistan, with 94 men and four women dying.

In general, VA officials said, women attempt suicide more often, but men are more likely to succeed in the attempt, mainly because women use less lethal and less violent means while men are more likely to use firearms.

Suicide attempts among veterans appear to follow those trends, officials said.

On being in a hole

2010-03-25T00:48:00.001-04:00

On being asked why he tried to commit suicide Conrad (Ordinary People- 1980) answered, "You are in a hole and you try and try to get out, then one day you turn around and look and you are the hole..."

I watched a rerun of "Ordinary People" today. The line quoted above hit me right between the eyes. In the movie, Conrad is the adolescent who has tried to commit suicide and has just gotten out of the psychiatric hospital. The story is about how his family ("ordinary people") cope with the situation. If you haven't seen it you should. In that one remark I thought Conrad explained a bookful about how life works.

All of us have hard times. Sometimes people try to compete to see who has had the hardest time or who should get the most points for suffering, but that seems a fruitless pursuit to me. I have a friend who is a refugee from the Sudan and his hard times make mine seem kind of trivial. I have another friend with severe CP, half a dozen other chronic diseases, bipolar disorder, and enough life trauma to be several movies of the week. My suffering is nothing to hers.

How much you have suffered is really beside the point here. The real question is how you deal with it. Mental health consumers talk about the difference in having a disorder and being a disorder. My wife has bipolar. She is not bipolar. We are not defined by our conditions, whatever they maybe, rather they be external or internal. I was once the family therapist to a man who was worth $400 million. As much as he tried to define himself by how rich he was, what really marked his life was how unhappy he was and how miserable his family was.

Recovery, rather it be from mental illness, substance abuse, or any other destructive habits, is about knowing that you are in a hole, and using the tools you have to climb out. It is possible when we know there is a difference between our problems, our disorder, our addiction and ourselves. If you can be in a hole it implies you can be out of the hole. Hope is knowing that you can get out and knowing that everything is not the hole.

When you lose the distance, when you lose the perspective then your emotions take control and you are left hoping for some way to decrease the pain or make it stop for a little while. Life no longer becomes about doing better. The only thing that matters is feeling better. If what you do makes life worse in the long run, so be it, as long as you feel better in the short run.

Suicide is a problem solving behavior. It is what happens when you believe you are the hole, and there is no way to feel better and all you can think about is stopping the pain. People are dangerously suicidal when they see suicide as a problem solving behavior. No one wants for it to be a solution, but for some it becomes "better than nothing."

They did a study where they asked people who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and had not died what they thought on the way down. The answers were basically the same, "God help me... This is stupid... I do not want to die..." At that instant they knew they were not the hole. Most of them never tried again. They took the opportunity God gave and tried to climb out.

If you believe that you are the hole....If you are your disorder, if you are your addiction-- if there is no space between you and it-- then recovery in any meaningful way is unlikely. At best life will be little more than trying to keep your mind off your misery. Know that it may be hard, it may take a long time--- you may even fall back in a time or two-- but know that there is a place and a space outside your hole. Find the tools, the support and the will to keep climbing.

Sometimes people fail because they forget the first law of holes. I don't know who came up with it, but I often think we all need to write it on our tee shirts- "The first law of holes-- When you are in one stop digging..."

What is working

2010-03-23T14:09:00.002-04:00

"16 Minutes" has been on hiatus for a few months due to my involvement in other projects. With this post we begin again. I really appreciate the people who have followed this blog and hope you will continue to do and tell others

I begin with a question. Statistics in Tennessee indicate the suicide rate is rising. With drastic budget cuts in virtually every state ahead more and more people are going to be left out. What does suicide prevention look like in your area? What kind of programs, what kind of services are offered? In Tennessee, the Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network (TSPN) is a primary source that helps to focus the statewide area in this area. One of the things they do is QPR training (question, persuade,refer) which is a form of suicide prevention training that seeks to equip ordinary people to deal with crisis situations with their loved ones. It seeks to give people a "mental health Heimlech manuever." Linda and I are both certified trainers and our experience is that it helps.

What is done in your area? This is an essential time to increase awareness of services. This is a great time for people to share ideas and experience. No one has to die. We need to become active in support of making sure as many mental health services are pared down that things stay in place that can save lives.

If you would like to share your experience, your ideas I would be pleased to share them with others if you would send them to me.

Someone dies every sixteen minutes. No one has to. Please stand and speak now.

And again thanks for participating in this blog.

Something to check out

2009-09-20T00:51:00.002-04:00

I want to take a minute to recommend what I think might be the best suicide prevention blog I know. It it http://everyminute.org. It is written by my friend Michael Corbin. You will find more up to date information there than about any place I know. Michael also does a good job presenting one of the best cases for more mental healh research of anybody I know.

Check it out. You will be glad you did.

How big a problem is it really?

2009-09-17T15:01:00.002-04:00

The following article is from SAMSHA. The numbers are absolutely startling. Please pass this information on to others you know. NO one has to die.

Date: 9/17/2009
Media Contact: SAMHSA Press
Telephone: 240-276-2130

First-of-a-Kind National Study Reveals that 8.3 Million Adults in the U.S. had Serious Thoughts of Committing Suicide in the Past Year
2.3 Million Adults Made a Suicide Plan and 1.1 Million Adults Actually Attempted Suicide in the Past Year

Nearly 8.3 million adults (age 18 and older) in the U.S. (3.7 percent) had serious thoughts of committing suicide in the past year according to the first national scientific survey of its size on this public health problem. The study by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) also shows that 2.3 million adult Americans made a suicide plan in the past year and that 1.1 million adults - 0.5 percent of all adult Americans – had actually attempted suicide in the past year.

The study provides important insights into the nature and scope of suicidal thoughts and behaviors. For example, the risk of suicidal thoughts, planning and attempts varies significantly among age groups. Young adults aged 18 to 25 were far more likely to have seriously considered suicide in the past year than those aged 26 to 49 (6.7 percent versus 3.9 percent), and nearly three times more likely than those aged 50 or older (2.3 percent). These disparities in risk levels among younger and older adults also were found in suicide planning and suicide attempts.

Substance use disorders also were associated with an increase in the risk of seriously considering, planning or attempting suicide. People experiencing substance abuse disorders within the past year were more than three times as likely to have seriously considered committing suicide as those who had not experienced a substance abuse disorder (11.0 percent versus 3.0 percent). Those with past year substance abuse disorders were also 4 times more likely to have planned a suicide than those without substance abuse disorders (3.4 percent versus 0.8 percent), and nearly seven times more likely to have attempted suicide (2.0 percent versus 0.3 percent).

The study also revealed that adult females had marginally higher levels of suicidal thoughts and behaviors than males in the past year.

“This study offers a far greater understanding of just how pervasive the risk of suicide is in our nation and how many of us are potentially affected by it,” said SAMHSA Acting Administrator, Eric Broderick, D.D.S., M.P.H. “While there are places that people in crisis can turn to for help like the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK, the magnitude of the public health crisis revealed by this study should motivate us as a nation to do everything possible to reach out and help the millions who are at risk — preferably well before they are in immediate danger.”

The study notes that only 62.3 percent of adults who had attempted suicide in the past year received medical attention for their suicide attempts. It also notes that 46.0 percent of those attempting suicide stayed in a hospital overnight or longer for treatment of their suicide attempts.

Suicidal Thoughts and Behaviors among Adults is based on 2008 data drawn from the National Survey on Drug Use and Health, which obtained responses from 46,190 persons aged 18 or older. The full report is available online at http://oas.samhsa.gov/2k9/165/suicide.cfm. Copies may also be obtained free of charge at http://ncadistore.samhsa.gov/catalog/productDetails.aspx?ProductID=18198 or by calling SAMHSA’s Health Information Network at 1-877-SAMHSA-7 (1-877-726-4727). For related publications and information, visit http://www.samhsa.gov/ .

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK, coordinates the network of 140 crisis centers across the United States providing suicide prevention and crisis intervention services to individuals seeking help at any time, day or night. SAMHSA funds the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (Lifeline) through a cooperative agreement for Networking, Certifying and Training Suicide Prevention Hotlines that was awarded to Link2Health Solutions, Inc.

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SAMHSA is a public health agency within the Department of Health and Human Services. The agency is responsible for improving the accountability, capacity and effectiveness of the nation's substance abuse prevention, addictions treatment, and mental health services delivery system.

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Suicide prevention month

2009-09-06T19:43:00.002-04:00

We have started Suicide Prevention Month. Most communities will have something going on. Find out what is happening in your community and do what you can do to become involved. Your voice does count.

Many of us have been touched in one way or another by this terrible tragedy. If you have been touched or know someone who has died spend some time to honor their deaths. Do not let their deaths be in vain. Become involved. Speak up and speak up loudly.

Some stats from the World Health Organization

2009-08-10T10:29:00.002-04:00

This information comes from the World Health Organization. It is sobering to say the least.

In the year 2000, approximately one million people died from suicide: a "global" mortality rate of 16 per 100,000, or one death every 40 seconds.
In the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Suicide is now among the three leading causes of death among those aged 15-44 years (both sexes); these figures do not include suicide attempts up to 20 times more frequent than completed suicide.
Suicide worldwide is estimated to represent 1.8% of the total global burden of disease in 1998, and 2.4% in countries with market and former socialist economies in 2020.
Although traditionally suicide rates have been highest among the male elderly, rates among young people have been increasing to such an extent that they are now the group at highest risk in a third of countries, in both developed and developing countries.
Mental disorders (particularly depression and substance abuse) are associated with more than 90% of all cases of suicide; however, suicide results from many complex sociocultural factors and is more likely to occur particularly during periods of socioeconomic, family and individual crisis situations (e.g. loss of a loved one, employment, honour).

This doesnt have to happen, but it takes action by all of us. September is suicide awareness month. Find a way to be active in your community.

ON life and death and other things

2009-08-07T09:38:00.001-04:00

"There are only two ways to look at life. Either everything is a miracle or everything isn't." - Albert Einstein

A man was talking to God about the evil and suffering and bad things in life. "Don't you care.... Why don't you send help? " God replied softly, "I did send help.... I sent you...." - unknown

God gave us each other. Life is what we do with other people. Each of us is a miracle and the purpose of life is to take care of God's miracles. Never is that more clear than when life is threatened.

In the last 3 days Linda and I have dealt with the specter of death 3 times. On Saturday two friends had seperate suicidal crisis literally within minutes of each other. One we spent hours on the phone with. She is okay and there is some hope the whole episode be the beginning of step forward for her. The second was a younger person who did make a potentially lethal gesture. We spent the night at the ER with him. Right now things look better for him. I think maybe he scared himself out of desperation. I hope so.

Last night I got a call telling me that an old friend had died. He had cancer and decided that this was not the life he wanted. He ended it with a gun.

I have studied a lot about suicide, but over the last couple of years I have met a lot of people for whom it is far more than a field of study. It is something that hangs in the air of everyday life, always there, always a threat. Their question many days is "Can I make it?" and many days they are simply not sure.

It is a question that all of us ask at some time I think. We tell ourselves though that "we could never do that." No one wants to see themselves in someone elses desperate acts. But desperation leads us to different paths and chronic desperation leaves us different people. No one really thinks they are "that kind of person" until they find out, perhaps too late, they are.

Death is, mainly, I think a choice of people alone. They may come to their solitude in many ways, but they are left in their eyes with death as the only companion that can ease their pain. Hope is not often found in empty rooms. And the truly desperate so often find no one willing to share the place they live.

I am reminded of the many people I have known who have dealt with suicidal issues. I remember the lady I met who struggled with bipolar disorder who explained to me that she had made 12 attempts in the last two years. When I listened to her I knew her greatest desperation. She was terrified of herself. Each day, each minute she was afraid of where the bipolar would take her next. Next to her that night was another lady who had tried to jump off a bridge a year before that. They hugged each other and cried. If only for a night they knew that life need not always be what you did by yourself.

Where I live the suicide rate is about twice what it should be statistically. And I live in a good community. But I listen to people and realize that for so many people desperation has come to the space of their life. They are learning to live in a new place and maybe, just maybe, we have the ability to make it a little better. Some people will choose death. It is everybody's choice to make for themselves. Sometimes all you can hope is that people will stop and think.

The biggest tragedy is not to live in a room alone. The biggest tragedy is to be so used to it that you forget there is a door by which people enter. Remember God gave you to others. Taking care of his miracles seems like a pretty good way to live.

originally posted on http://hopeworkscommunity.wordpress.com

As hard as it to see it is a solution

2009-08-07T00:59:00.002-04:00

The beginning of understanding why people are suicidal is to understand how suicide offers a solution to them for some kind of problem. And when you can understand then you have a sense of what it will take to diffuse the situation.

It is important to realize the problem they are solving may not seem that big a problem to you or it may seem obvious that there are better ways to solve the problem than killing yourself, but the point is that is not their reality. And you must take their reality seriously.

Years ago I had a job in a school system in Georgia. I worked in a special school and one day I went out to check on a 14 year old boy who had not shown up for school that day. I knocked on the door of his trailer and as it slowly opened I looked inside and saw him sitting in his living room with a rifle up underneath his chin. He was getting ready to kill himself.

He had been suicidal before. I went in and talked him into giving up the gun. We started talking about what was going on. He told me that the night before he had got into an argument with his mother. Very hostile words were exchanged. He called her a "bitch" and she told him that he was a "mistake." Both of them went to bed furious. He woke up the next morning and went into her room to make up with her. She was gone.

He was furious. She would not accept his apology and he was beside himself. He picked up the gun and was going to kill himself to teach her a lesson. I stopped him a moment and asked him a couple of questions, "Where does your mother work (I already knew at a factory)? Does she ever get called in early(I knew she did)? Does she usually wake you up to tell you?" He answered slowly, "No she figures I am old enough to get myself up for school."

He stopped and looked at me. He knew where I was going. "Are you going to kill yourself because your mother had to go to work early? Don't you think you should check?"

It turned out she had went to work early. We talked about why he was mad and what he wanted to say to his mom and what he had to do to stay safe for the rest of the day. I notified all the people who needed to know what had happened. He ended up talking with his mother and it was okay.

The point though is he was getting ready to solve a problem that number 1 didnt exist and number 2 even if it had with a method that didnt solve anything. But when I talked to him and basically "dissolved" his solution his risk to hurt himself, while still real, decreased dramatically.

You are not a therapist and should never pretend to be one. However sometimes you may find yourself in a position where what you say to someone is important. Remember the message. Suicide doesnt really solve anything.

How dangerous are they: A short assessment

2009-08-03T23:56:00.002-04:00

How do you know if someone is a real threat to kill themselves. There are a number of lists of warning signs and as a first step take a look at them. If you think there is cause to worry try to involve a professional.

What I want to share with you is a short hand way to look at how much a threat someone really is. It does not substitute in any way for professional assessment, but may give you a starting place. It is based on the work of a man named Gavin deBecker who wrote a book many years ago about threat and fear. Although he doesnt apply it to suicide I have used it many times with people I thought were at risks and I am convinced it helps you to think through the situation more clearly.

1. Justificaton. What kind of justification does the person think he has for his actions? How strongly does he feel? Is he ambivalent in any way?
2. Alternatives. Does he see any options? Is this the only way he sees to "solve" the problem?
3. Consequences. What does he see as the consequences of his actions. Does he truly see it as "deliverence?'
4. Ability. Does he have the ability to do what he says. Are the "tools" he needs at his disposal? Does he have means and the ability to use them?

If the answer to all these questions is in the affirmative then indeed you have a high risk situation and need to act to save a life. Do what you can, but dont try to do it all alone. Get professional help.

People not pills

2009-08-02T01:19:00.002-04:00

She was what they call in mental hospitals a "frequent flyer."

She killed herself about 8 years ago.

She had been in psychiatric hospitals untold times and had been placed on a dizzying array of meds. She was taking meds for her meds. She couldn't think clearly anymore. She had lost faith that she ever would. Suicide had been here close companion for a long time before it finally took over.

On the night she attempted her family was sitting around watching a movie on TV. She had a son and daughter in early adolescence and her husband. After watching the movie for a few minutes she quiely excused herself to go into the bathroom. She took as big of a handful of pills as she could get into her mouth. She came out and watched the movie for a few more minutes and then told her family what she did.

This time it was too late. She had taken too much. It took four days for her organ systems to shut down. Finally they pulled the plug and she died

For her treatment had been a search for the magic med that was going to make it all better. No one seemed to think maybe she needed someone to talk to. She finally just got to the point where she couldn't stand being with herself, but there was nobody else for her to be with.

For her husband and kids her death took a lot longer than four days. They will forever wonder about how they lost her and if it had to happen.

All of us have had times when we couldnt stand to be around ourselves. But we know there is someone else to be with. Whose someone else are you? Be a lifeline to someone approaching a narrow cliff.

I also miss her. She was a close friend of both my wife and I. And I dont think she had to die.

On Greg (the death of a young man)

2009-08-01T07:41:00.001-04:00

Greg was 17 when I first knew him. He was dead before he was 18.

I was working as a family therapist in a psychiatric hospital when I first knew him. I was the therapist for him and his family. He was a “cutter.” His arms were a mass of scars from self-mutiliation. He was seriously depressed. I now am sure that he would have been diagnosed as bipolar, but back then we hadn’t really discovered bipolar and all I knew for sure was that he was messed up.

He was in our program for 9 months. His family was a mess. The mom and dad were getting a divorce and Greg was the ammunition they shot at each other. We did all we could and really thought that he was stable and began to see some signs of hope. We decided to discharge him home. I made all the arrangements and we sent him home.

About 4 days after his discharge I got a call from my supervisor about 5:30 in the morning. The night before Greg had cut both of his wrists, took a bottle of pills and hung himself. He was dead. My first reaction was that I had killed him and for a while I think part of me really did die.

About 3 weeks after his death I got a call from his mother. She called to thank me. I couldn’t believe it. Greg had been a professional quality artist. When they went through his stuff they had found a picture that was an exact depiction of the way he died dated about 3 months before he came into our program. She told me, “He had made his decision, but at least you got him to stop and think. Because of that we had a year longer with him than we would have otherwise had.”

Her phone call still hangs with me today. Since then I have met a lot of other people who had made similar decisions. Many of them have also stopped to think. But most of them have also changed their minds.

I learned a lot from Greg. I never really talked with him about suicide. I didn’t really know I was supposed to. I think maybe I was afraid to find out. I would give anything if I had the chance to talk with him now. People who are thinking about killing themselves are terrified that they are right. Suicide is the only answer to their problems. Just by asking you can start them towards the path of realizing that it is not. People who think of suicide often don’t attempt. People who think of suicide and who believe they are alone and can’t talk about it with others frequently do attempt. If you are afraid for someone that you know open the subject up. Maybe they don’t think they can. Don’t find yourself wishing you had asked, but knowing it is too late.

Keep the door open. The ultimate lie is that suicide solves anything and the ultimate myth is that when someone decides they can’t change their mind. Suicide is the act of a person ultimately alone regardless of the crowds that surround him and share his life. Reach out and hold someone close.

I know many things now that I wish I had known then. As strange as it sounds I think people only kill themselves when it is the easiest option they have left. I know now about the importance of means. I would not give the keys to a drunk person. I do not understand why we do not see the importance of keeping guns and other implements of death away from suicidal people. In the end people do decide for themselves. Greg’s mother was right. People can and do choose death. But we can choose to make it a hard choice. In the end we will be glad we did.

from www.hopeworkscommunity.wordpress.com

The criminalization of suicidality

2009-07-30T22:10:00.002-04:00

One of the foundations of medical care is that when someone's life is in danger you do what you have to do to help them. Someone coming into the hospital for a heart attack is not told, "We're full. Try the place down the road.... or Go home, we'll call you when we get space...."

But in Tennessee and many other places the burden to provide care is no longer sacred if someone is suicidal and in danger of killing themselves. Care is mandated, but only if economically feasible.

The law in Tennessee is Title 33. It is the law that governs the terms of commitment when you pose a threat of harm to yourself or others. In Tennesse it now says that you can only be placed if "suitable accomadations" (ie- a bed) are availible. If they are not availible then you will be locked in an emergency room or jail until they are. North Carolina is farther along in that process than Tennessee. Recently they had someone handcuffed to a hospital bed for 8 days awaiting "suitable accomadations." One can only wonder at the effect that had on his mental health.

The basic effect is to criminalize suicidality. People can now be locked up without trial until "suitable accomadations" are availible. There crime is to be inconvenient and cost too much at a time where virtually everything costs too much. Nobody wants these detentions to be a long term affair, but what defines long? 8 days for someone who is suicidal and whose mental health is in danger of slipping to the point of no return sounds like a long time to me. Already mental health consumers distrust the system. How many people will refuse to go the hospital or lie and cover up their problems for fear they may be handcuffed to a bed. Who can blame them? How many people will die, because they were afraid to seek the help they so badly needed. It does not matter how many "detentions" happen. The perception that it is possible or likely will be enough to substantially effect people's decision to seek help.

And this does not even consider the effect on the hospital trying to do things it is not equipped to do or police officials having to guard people whose only crime is to be sick when "the house is full." Officials in North Carolina report this "brief detentions" as being extremely expensive, taking time, energy, resources, and money away from areas it could have been used much more fruitfully.

But the implications go even far past what happens to any specific individual. It further fuels an attitude already present and already growing that mental illness is an "elective disease" and that needed treatment need not be provided when it is "financially inconvenient." All over the country advocates have been fighting to save mental health budgets and the services needed for people to have any chance of a decent life. If the services needed to save life are conditional then what does that mean for other services. What does it say about us when we say some people are disposable and others are not? The answers I believe are scary.

On QPR

2009-07-29T12:46:00.001-04:00

QPR was borne in Seattle, Washington several years ago. It was developed by Dr. Paul Quinett and was that community’s effort to address the crisis of a rising suicide rate. From the initial success in Seattle QPR has spread throughout the country and is now recognized widely as one of the most effective ways to teach ordinary people the skills they need to help someone at suicidal risk to stay safe.

QPR teaches someone three basic skills:

How to question a person about suicide and what is going on with them. Q

How to persuade that person to get help. P

How to refer that person to the appropriate resources for help. R

QPR compares itself to the Heimlich maneuver in the sense that it is a series of basic techniques that almost anyone can learn, that requires no real specialized training, and that by the application of it saves lives. QPR has been taught to many different populations and has been successful in almost every instance of decreasing the suicide statistics of that area. It is not meant to be a form of counseling or treatment and does not attempt to substitute for that. Its’ focus is to get people past the moment of crisis and to the help they need to turn their life to positive directions.

During QPR training you learn a lot about suicide. You learn warning signs and you also learn some of more common myths about suicide. You learn, for example, that suicide to the suicidal person seems, not like a problem to be avoided, but a solution to be embraced. At the same time you learn that although somebody might see suicide as a solution, no one wants to see it as a solution and you learn how to appeal to that natural ambivalence.

The training itself last about 1-1.5 hours. It can be done in large groups, but the ideal groups are one that allow for maximum interaction. My wife Linda and I have been trained as QPR trainers by the Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network. We are available to train your group and would be delighted to talk with you further about that. If you have questions or would like to learn more please let us know.

from http://hopeworkscommunity.wordpress.com

On a slow death

2009-07-29T11:59:00.002-04:00

It was 3 oclock in the morning when the call came. I was working as a counselor at a crisis center and was struggling to stay awake. I quickly woke up.

Her voice was quiet and at first I had a hard time hearing her, but her words shook me to my foundations: "I am getting ready to die...I just wanted to talk to one more person before I did it..."

She was in a borrowed truck in the middle of a field somewhere. She described to me the pills she had. With a little bit of prompting she started to tell me her story.

She had been married and had two small kids. The previous Christmas (about 4 months prior) her husband had been getting ready to go Christmas shopping. He was going to take the 4 year old and she was going to keep the 2 year old. The 2 year old was real hyper and starting crying and begging to go and so finally she relented and they all went off to go shopping, leaving her at home.

On the way to the store they were hit by a drunk driver and all 3 were killed. She started to describe to me the 4 months of death that had followed for her. She had kept all their clothes and stuff and every day all she saw was their absence and the hole in her heart. The drunk driver had killed her husband and the 4 year old, but she really wondered if she had not killed the two year old. Each day was an ocean of depression piled on the previous days ocean. She felt like she was dying and told me she just cursed how long it was taking. She was starting to hear their voices and felt sure she was going crazy.

On top of it all she had found out her mother had terminal cancer and she was the only support her mother had. Each breath she felt was colored in more pain than the previous one.

We talked for 3 1/2 hours that night. I finally asked her, "What died when your husband and kids died? Did your love for them die?" I told her that they lived now only in her memory and if she died the last of them would be gone too. She cried... A lot.... I think maybe I did too.

Finally she agreed to meet me at the local emergency room and about 7 am that morning I finally met her. We hugged and cried some more... She ended up going into the hospital for a short time and got some help for the incredible weight she was carrying. She stopped. She didnt die. She chose to live.

I dont know exactly how things ended for her. I am sure death was with her for a while. When it grips you it doesnt leave easily. But I hope she is now as free as she can be and I hope she is as glad as I am that she chose life.

He said he had a gun

2009-07-28T12:35:00.003-04:00

He told me he had a gun and was prepared to use it on himself. I knew he had tried before. He had a huge scar on the side of his face. He hadn't died, but had left himself with seizures and a whole host of problems.

He was part of an online support group that I did and although we had never "met" we knew each other. He had been badly abused as a child- the kind of abuse you see in movies. He had been in and out of hosptals, in and out of jails his entire life. He had lost a family and never really had any friends. He was lonely and lonely. He talked to his dog and talked online. He never really thought anybody would want to be his friend- never really understand why anyone would go to the bother for him.

About 12 years ago he went into a psychiatric hospital. They ended up discharging him and telling him that he was "hopeless." That was the afternoon he tried to blow his brains out.

That afternoon I didn't really know what to do. He was about 1500 miles away. I didnt even know for sure what town he was in. I couldn't think of any way to call the police, so I just listened and talked.

We talked for 3 1/2 hours that day. We talked about pain and loneliness and feeling like you were disposable and would never be missed if you were gone. I told him that he had courage and he at first thought I was just saying it. I explained. "Every day you have to fight yourself. Every day you have to decide not today. Every day you have to wait for a better life you really don't believe is coming. Every day is an act of courage for you."

I thanked him for being my friend and told him that I wanted him to live. He seemed astounded that anybody really cared. By then he had put the gun in another room and we talked about him going into treatment. He didnt want to do that but we talked about the difference betweeen good places and bad and I told him that right now he could choose. If things got worse he would be involuntary and probably not end up in a great place.

I left him my phone number and told him to call whenever. About 3 or 4 weeks later he did call. He had just gotten out of treatment, had different meds and didnt even sound like the same person.

He thanked me. He told me I had saved his life. I told him that I was honored to be his friend and that he was a gift in my life.

All over the world are people who see themselves as disposable people. They see hope as an empty promise and people as lies put there to torture them about the life they wish they had. Someone once asked me, "Whose 3 oclock in the morning call are you? Who knows you will be there when they need somewhere to go?"

More than anything people need people and they need to know that they have value to another living person. Without that suicide for them is just the second part of death. Depression, bipolar, and all the other "mental illnesses" have astronomical rates of suicide. 1 in 5 people with bipolar die from suicide. One study I saw said that if you are both bipolar and schizophrenic 1 in 3 die from suicide. And one of the most hurtful things these conditions do is that they isolate you from other human beings. They leave you alone regardless of the size of the crowd.

There are many pieces of knowledge you need to help people in need. Nothing you hear here will substitute for professional help or make you a professional. But do not underestimate the power of caring. Whose place of refuge are you and just as importantly where is your refuge?

Thank you and God bless.

One of the myths of suicide

2009-07-26T23:35:00.002-04:00

A major myth about suicide is that you can't change someone's mind when they make their mind up to die. People use it to justify inaction, because dealing with this issue is such a scary thing for them.

The truth is that although suicide is seen as a solution to life's problems it is not a solution that anyone wants to believe. People have a lot of ambivalence-- even those who attempt. They did a study of the people who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and lived. The results were important. They asked people the obvious question, "What went through your mind as you jumped?" Almost to a person the answer they got was the same, "What a stupid thing to do? What now? How did I ever decide to do this?"

Ambivalence saves lives. It makes people keep on looking for a better way. Talk to a person in trouble. Tell them that what they really wanted to be true is true. They don't have to die.

On the narrow edge of suicide

2009-07-25T23:54:00.002-04:00

The following post appeared first on http://hopeworkscommunity.wordpress.com/ and then on Facebook on the "stop suicide" cause. It is a description of what it meant to one person to confront suicidal impulses in her life.

I have a close friend who almost died.

She used to describe for me what a day was like when you were suicidal. She said it was like a prison, but she could never leave. Everywhere she went it came too. It was like a thousand voices telling you to do something you really didn’t want to do and when you looked to see who was talking to you all the voices were yours. She didn’t live just in depression or discouragement. She lived in terror.

She told me about how many times in a day she would think about slitting her throat or walking in front of a car. The desperation in her voice come through clear with every word. She felt like death was the best answer for her—but she didn’t want it to be. In the end I think the only thing stronger than her passion for death was her passion for life. She held strong and ferociously to the idea that what was happening was not her, but something that was happening to her.

She has searched diligently for the right medication and so far hasn’t really found it. She seems to be a walking side effect. Most of her meds have serious side effects and she always seems to have the most serious of the side effects. She often wonders if the cure stops the disease what will cure the cure. She has gained a lot of weight and with that has come a lot of health worries. On a good day she feels bad. She has had significant dental problems from years of anticonvulsants. Many of the everyday stresses that she deals with are described in the medication packages where it starts with “side effects include.”

She has been in the hospital before and may well have other visits ahead for her. She hated it, because she felt like her dignity as a human being was disregarded there, but it was a safe place in an unsafe time and may well serve that function again.

She is a prayerful person. She turns daily to Him and in her weakness has found His strength. She is grateful for the many blessings she has gotten and told me once that even this overwhelming depression that seemed cloak everything she said or did was at bottom an opportunity to get closer to Him. Even when the worst of things seem to occupy every inch, every breath, every beat of her life she tries to rejoice in the opportunities ahead.

She is in many ways a miracle. In her illness she has tried to find a path to what she can be instead of a complaint about what she can’t be.

Sometimes she is very much afraid. She knows terror well. But hers is a terror ultimately of herself and the edge to which her strange brain chemistry drives her. She loves life and loves God with all her heart, but knows the terror of that which tries to entice her, to browbeat her and threaten her until she finally gives up on what she loves and buys their counterfeit truth.

She has won no wars, but fights many battles. Some days are better some days are not. One day she may die. The illness will not go away and constantly demands more of her life. I asked her once what she had learned and what she could tell other people and I liked what she said.

“I have learned what it is like to live in a prison of one. I have learned to keep other people close so that the walls don’t rise. I have learned that there is wisdom sometimes in fear and to always be open to it. I have learned that no matter how much I feel like doing something I don’t have to do it. I have learned I am not my illness. I have learned that I do not prosper in the denial of my illness, but in knowing that my freedom, as much as I have it, is in deciding what of its demands I listen to. I have learned I can decide not to die, but I must decide so every day. I have learned that God is with me and I matter to him. And I have learned when the demons come upon me and their chorus grows louder and louder, I can say with His help, “No. No, not this time.”

She remains each day in my prayers. I hope now she will be in yours.

The beginning of 16 Minutes

2009-07-25T22:58:00.002-04:00

With this post begins "16 Minutes." It is a blog built around two things. Every 16 minutes someone commits suicide. It doesn't have to happen.

The idea for this blog grew from a cause on Facebook: "Stop suicide. Every 16 minutes someone dies from their own hand." Within 2 weeks over 230 people from all over the world had joined the cause and the comments that I got talked about their personal experience of suicide, rather it being during a hard time for them, or the act of a family member or loved one. And person after person said: "This is a tragedy that shouldn't happen." And so I decided to start something that reached beyond simply Facebook. The cause on Facebook continues to grow and hopefully will grow more. But this is an issue that we need to reach out to everyone on. We have the knowledge and services to help. We lack simply the will or decision to do so.

Within this blog you will find several things:

Stories shared by survivors. The goal is both to serve as a memorial of sorts to those who tragically died, but also in sharing their stories to help motivate action to avert this terrible tragedy for other families.
Information. There is a tremendous amount of information out there about the phenomenon of suicide and the different factors that influence it.
Resources. Links to different organizations and sites that provide resource and assistance in dealing with the issue.
What can you do to help? And perhaps most importantly what can you do to make an impact on this important issue.

Comments are welcome. Please feel free to address any issues you feel relevant. It is through sharing our experience, knowledge and perspectives that all of us grow. If you are a survivor of suicide or an attemptor and wish to share your experience I would be most grateful to hear from you. We can all make a difference.